Good morning. . . . At present we are not in but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp …
If you are one of our children, press 1
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, press 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner start talking – we are listening !!!”
You always get more of what you focus up…
You always get more of what you focus upon. So, what are you focused upon right now?
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Those things you are positively passiona…
Those things you are positively passionate about enable you to discover powerful, effective ways of creating new value. When you follow your dreams, you lead other people to theirs
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Some Stupid Questions and Answers…..
At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t you try again.
At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:Why? Would it rather have been you?
At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years…
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.
When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask….
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:-No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the money.
When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-No.. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.
When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair….
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I’m shedding…. ..
At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it wont. It will just bleed.
You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it’s a miracle ……..it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!
Heights of Misunderstanding
Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:
“I have great news: I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.
” Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma? ”
“Yes… speaking”
Reliance guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”
“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.
“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the Reliance guy.
“What are you saying? It’s in your files …HOW?????”
” Yes ………… . We have a system of finding out who’s overdue ”
” GOD!!!!!!… …… This is too much…….. ..”
“Madam, I am sorry… I am following orders…. I
have to inform you are overdue”
“I know that … let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ….. He will speak to your company tomorrow ”
That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.
“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.
“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at Reliance, “it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”
“PAY you? And if I refuse?”
“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.”
“And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks.
“I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.”
how many of you are TBTC affected? (TBTC…
how many of you are TBTC affected? (TBTC is Too Busy To Care?)
Itz never selfish 2 desire wat u genuine…
Itz never selfish 2 desire wat u genuinely desire. Watz selfish is stifling those desires n declining 2 give d world ur own unique greatness
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9 Gifts That Do Not Cost A Cent
1) THE GIFT OF LISTENING…
But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming,
no planning your response. Just listening.
2) THE GIFT OF AFFECTION…
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses,
pats on the back and handholds.
Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
3) THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER…
Email funpages to your friends. Share articles and funny stories.
Your gift will say, “I love to laugh with you.”
4) THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE…
It can be a simple “Thanks for the help” note or a full sonnet.
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime,
and may even change a life.
5) THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT…
A simple and sincere, “You look great in red,”
“You did a super job” or “That was a wonderful meal”
can make someone’s day.
6) THE GIFT OF A FAVOR…
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.
7) THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE…
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone.
Be sensitive to those times
and give the gift of solitude to others.
8) THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION…
The easiest way to feel good is to
extend a kind word to someone,
really it’s not that hard to say, “Hello” or “Thank You”.
9) THE GIFT OF SALVATION …
But in order to receive the most wonderful of all
gifts you have to accept it through faith.
Something to Think About
“It’s not the pace of life I mind. It’s the sudden stop at the end.”
“I’M SIGNIFICANT!…screamed the dust speck.”
“The best presents don’t come in boxes.”
“Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.”
“There’s more to this world than just people, you know.”
“To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.”
“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don’t get asked to do it again.”
“In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”
“As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t
explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.”
“Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?”
“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
“Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”
“If you couldn’t find any weirdness, maybe we’ll just have to make some!”
“There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse!”
“There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.”
“The worst part is that I don’t even have the fun of doing the things I’m getting blamed for.”
“Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.”
“I’d hate to have a kid like me.”
“I swear I’m an Angel…….the Horns are just an Accessory!”
