Dear Husband:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done,I cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching the game.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything.
Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, what ever the case
is, I’m gone.
P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing
that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to
not say anything if you can’t say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on
you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on
it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed
fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all
of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job
and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life
you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you
won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl,my brother was born
Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.
