The missing chapter titled “SHE” from M.O. Mathai’s book Reminiscences of the Nehru Age is said to be about Indira Gandhi, the daughter of India’s first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru. Mathai, who worked as Nehru’s private secretary from 1946 to 1959, wrote this chapter but removed it from the book before it was published in 1978. Even though it was never officially printed, a version of this chapter has circulated online and among readers, causing a lot of controversy. The text claims to reveal personal and shocking details about Indira Gandhi’s life, her relationships, and her character. Below are the “dirty secrets” it mentions about her, written in simple English with clear headings.
Dirty Secrets of Indira Gandhi from the “SHE” Chapter
** Affair with M.O. Mathai **
What It Says: Mathai claims he had a 12-year romantic affair with Indira Gandhi, starting in 1947. He says she fell deeply in love with him, kissed him, and wanted to sleep with him. Their first intimate moment happened on her birthday, November 19, 1947, in a wild, secluded place.
Details: Indira told Mathai she no longer loved her husband, Feroze Gandhi, and didn’t let him touch her. Mathai says she was passionate in bed and taught him about sex because he didn’t know much. He also mentions she got pregnant by him in the early 1950s and had an abortion.
** Unhappy Marriage with Feroze Gandhi **
What It Says: Indira’s marriage to Feroze was a disaster. She married him despite her family’s objections, but soon found out he was cheating on her with other women. She caught him giving her clothes and books to his lovers.
Details: Mathai says Feroze became impotent (couldn’t have sex) but still chased women. Indira hated him so much that she moved him to a separate room and didn’t want him near their kids, fearing he’d make them liars like him.
** Abortion of Mathai’s Child **
What It Says: Indira got pregnant with Mathai’s baby but didn’t want it. She had an abortion done secretly by a lady doctor she trusted at her ancestral home.
Details: She took her second son, Sanjay, with her on this trip and later said he was cured of a speech problem (trouble saying “R”). Mathai suggests this was a cover-up for the abortion.
** Sanjay Gandhi’s Real Father? **
What It Says: The chapter hints that Sanjay Gandhi, Indira’s second son born in December 1946, might not be Feroze’s child. It claims he was circumcised as a baby, not for a defect, but to mark him as Muslim, suggesting Mohammad Yunus (a family friend) could be his real father.
Details: This is a big accusation, saying Indira hid the truth about Sanjay’s birth to protect her image.
** Jealousy and Control **
What It Says: Indira was very jealous. She hated a “fat female family friend” who hugged Mathai innocently. She even refused to be with Mathai if the woman was around, fearing he’d touch her after.
Details: She made sure Mathai sat next to her, not the friend, during outings and tried to keep him away from others.
** Affair with a Yoga Teacher (Dhirendra Brahmachari) **
What It Says: In 1958, Mathai caught Indira in her room with a tall, handsome, bearded man—a Brahmachari (yoga teacher named Dhirendra). This ended their affair.
Details: She claimed it was just yoga lessons, but Mathai didn’t believe her and stopped their relationship. Afterward, she turned bitter and became his enemy.
** Feroze Tried to Poison Her **
What It Says: Indira once found powdered glass in her milk and suspected Feroze put it there to kill her. She spat it out and told Mathai she heard Feroze sneaking around before it happened.
Details: This shows how bad things were between her and Feroze, hinting at danger in her own home.
** Fake Reunion with Feroze **
What It Says: People thought Indira and Feroze got close again before he died in 1960, but Mathai says it was a lie. She acted kind to him during his illness and at his cremation just for show.
Details: By then, she was a “political animal,” using these acts to look good in public, not because she cared.
** Hatred for Hindus and Lack of Indian Culture **
What It Says: Indira told Mathai she couldn’t stand being married to a Hindu (Feroze). She didn’t know much about Indian epics like the Ramayana or Mahabharata, only bits from her grandmother.
Details: The chapter calls her “denationalized” (not connected to Indian roots) and hints she leaned toward Islam, like shaving her pubic hair (an Islamic practice) and loving veal.
** Secret Islamic Ties **
What It Says: The afterword claims Indira’s family had Muslim roots. It says she was invited to Hajj in Mecca by the Saudi king, but the Indian media hid it.
Details: It accuses her of hiding her real identity (calling her “Maimuna Begum”) and planning to hand India to a Catholic (Sonia Gandhi) later.
Why This Chapter Matters
The “SHE” chapter is explosive because it paints Indira Gandhi—India’s powerful first woman Prime Minister—as a woman with a secret, scandalous personal life. It says she had affairs, hated her husband, and hid big truths about her family. Mathai’s detailed storytelling makes it sound real, but since it was never officially published, many question if it’s true or just gossip. The chapter was withdrawn at the last minute, possibly under pressure from Indira or her supporters, leaving it a mystery that still fuels debates today.
Reminiscences of the Nehru Age – Banned Book
M.O. Mathai’s book Reminiscences of the Nehru Age, published in 1978, caused a huge stir in India. It was banned soon after its release.
Who Banned the Book?
** Indira Gandhi and Congress **
Indira Gandhi was the key figure behind the ban. She became Prime Minister again in January 1980, and soon after, the book was pulled from shelves. The Congress government, under her control, likely ordered it banned to protect her and the party.
Evidence: T.V. Rajeswar, a former Intelligence Bureau chief, said in 2015 that he gave Indira a copy of the “SHE” chapter in 1981 (handed to him by Tamil Nadu CM M.G. Ramachandran). She took it silently, hinting she wanted it buried.
Why It Stayed Banned?
Even after Indira’s death in 1984, the Congress kept the book banned. Her son Rajiv Gandhi became PM, and the family’s legacy stayed a sensitive topic. The party didn’t want old scandals resurfacing. Copies still float around online or secretly, but officially, it’s off-limits in India.
Conclusion
Reminiscences of the Nehru Age was banned because it threatened Indira Gandhi and the Congress party’s clean image. It dug up personal and political dirt they wanted hidden—like Indira’s alleged affairs and family lies. Indira, with her government’s power, made sure it disappeared from bookstores when she returned as PM in 1980. The ban shows how much the Congress feared the truth Mathai wrote about, keeping India in the dark about its leaders’ secrets.
Deleted Chapter PDF
You can read the text from the missing chapter “SHE” from the book “Reminiscences of the Nehru Age” by M.O. Mathai here.
